I could not think of a title for this post..I tried....But with the events of the last week personally and throughout the world, I am at a loss.....

First off, I am getting better each day. I finally had some tests done and it appears for quite some time I have been dealing with a viral infection in my colon.  The Dr's said there is no way to know how I got it and how long I have had it, but the worst is over.  I am trying to get back to a normal routine, but after literally laying down for 5 days, that is somewhat difficult.  M kept up with some things, and others he did not.  Sure the laundry is CLEAN, but 7 loads lay on the floor of our bedroom for me to tackle (and at least 3 more for me tackle today!). Sure, the house is "man" clean, but definitely not to my daily standards.  Sure, the boys have been fed, but not in the same healthy way I would do it.  I have a lot to work on....I am grateful he was able to help in his own way no matter what.

Then there was the images I watched all day of Japan.  The devastation simply hurt my heart.  Back when I went to school in Europe I had made friends from Japan.  I lost touch with many of them after we moved back to the US and then Canada, but yesterday had me praying for their safety and hoping they are OK and out of harms way.  Through Facebook I have reconnected with many of them and somehow through the day they were able to post they were safe. My heart felt better, but the images still are hard to watch.  My constant prayers continue for them.

Today is also a day that I celebrate and grieve.  My brother and best friend would have been 35 today.  He died 14 years ago shortly after his 21st birthday from cancer.  I wish he was here to see my life and be a part of it.  His life was cut short by a terrible disease that hurts so many.  I miss him daily, I miss that he does not know my husband and my boys. I miss his voice. I miss his guidance and I miss him looking out for his big sister.  There was a bond between us that people could not understand. I still remember the words of my godmother at his funeral.  She said "You and him were connected so deeply.  Your lives started over in so many places and for long periods of time, you and he were each others only friends so you depended on each other.  That has been taken from you".  She was right then, and it is still correct now.  Today we will celebrate him with cupcakes at dinner time and I will tell my boys stories of their uncle.  They love to hear about him, almost as much as I love to talk about him.  My parents will celebrate, as they always have since losing their son, with my godparents.  They will do what they have now made a tradition out of...Open an amazing bottle of wine and toast my brother. They will all tell a story as well.  I am so grateful my parents are with the closest friends they have ever day. 

So I am getting back to normal with many things weighing heavy on my heart. I could just pass today by back on the couch, but that is not me. I need to be busy and productive. I will be that, to the best of my ability and pray hard for ease in the pain my heart is feeling today....