Friday, January 28, 2011

One step backwards = 100 steps backwards

OK, I am admitting it....C is not potty trained.  There is it out there.  

Here's the story. 

We (OK, I) tried when he was 3.5....He fought me every step of the way.  He screamed, he hit, he bit, he cried, he hit some more.  With advice from my mom and my dearest trusted mom friend (K) they told me to stop.  It was killing my patience, my heart and my soul.  We stopped.  I snuck him into preschool with the mantra each day "OK C, what do we not do at school?" he would respond "POOP OR PEE OR LEAK"....Happily he has not had an accident since week 1.  We moved on, knowing I was hiding this from all the people around me. 

When C turned 4 (and the weeks leading up to it) he announced to us (M & I) that when he was 4 he would use the potty.  Sunday came and went, and with exhaustion I did not push it. Monday came and school's mantra went on. When he got home, I did not put a pull up on him. We started to potty train.  4 accidents later, no success on the potty and a good bath, he went to bed saying "I will do it tomorrow".  Tuesday came and went, with one accident (and numerous times on the potty) until 4pm.  Then his bladder exploded on my couch (thank goodness for slip covers!)  Wednesday was accident city, all day long.  Countless loads of laundry, frustration beginning to take over and my brain simply fried.  Thursday came and I changed my plan. Instead of small rewards for sitting on the potty I announced "If you have an accident, I take something away".  First accident was his beloved kitty, then his blanky, then his new Lego's from his birthday, then all of his stuffed animals, then stories and cuddles at bedtime.  Today (Friday) he was told the same and now he sits in my kitchen with no TV privileges, no toy privileges, no snacks and no playing with J when he comes home.  

My spirit is strong with all of the challenges in my life, but this is breaking me bit, by bit, moment by moment. I feel like a failure, I feel like what I say does not register.  He is four years old and cannot (and will not) do it. I have sheltered him from play dates outside our home because he does not use the potty. I cannot let him  let others know what he cannot do.  I am embarrassed. I am ashamed. 

So as I type, he is sitting in my kitchen, humming and talking like there is nothing wrong. I am crying.  We cannot even celebrate one step forward because there have been none.  We have 100 steps backward and no steps ahead.  And one mommy who is having a hard time seeing a light at the end of the long tunnel I think I have created......


  1. Now, we need a follow up. Hello world, there has been progress made!! Mommy stands firm and is winning the battle. A gift of big boy underwear from Aunt K and Uncle J awaits!!!

  2. Thanks Aunt K! Yes, an update is coming...tomorrow....And it is all good news! :)